Toxic Masculinity

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I’m still new to this blogging game and I still find it hard to write about the things that I want to say and get off my chest – if that makes sense? Once I press publish that’s it, i’ve opened myself up which I have always struggled to do. I invite criticism, judgement, I instantly worry about what people might think, whether they agree or disagree. Blogging and social media have given me a voice that I haven’t always been confident to use in other areas of life. Thankfully, people are being very kind which is giving me the confidence to continue.

There is still a lot I want to say about what I’ve been through and how I’ve changed as a result and I’m sure I’ll get round to it. Today I want to talk about something that I picked up on yesterday which has got me thinking.

One of my favourite writers is Matt Haig. He writes about living with depression and mental illness and how today’s society makes some things better and some things worse. This weekend there has been a lively debate and discussion and Twitter feed about Toxic Masculinity.

I’d heard about the phrase without knowing too much about it. There are lots of theories and definitions flying around but from what I can gather Toxic Masculinity is basically a negative set of beliefs and behaviours that society applies to men which means that falling short of these behaviours  may make them less of a man – I think!

Matt has been leading the campaign against Toxic Masculinity and consistently reminds us that it’s ok to cry – that’s why we have tear glands. That it’s a lot healthier to be who you are, rather than who you feel you should be. This is not a threat to our manhood, it’s about being yourself and not trying to live up to a set of ideals and behaviours imposed by others.

I’m past 40 now and one of the advantages about getting older is that I’m becoming more comfortable in my skin. I feel confident to write on here that I love football (even though I could never play it) but I also love a good musical. Les Mis is my favourite, I cry every time! I use moisturiser, I’m particular about which shower gels and face washes I use. I spend more time in the bathroom than ever before. If I feel clean and good about myself, I feel more confident. I’m crap at DIY (really bad) but I’ll try my best  and don’t feel ashamed asking for help. I can just about change a tyre on a car, but that’s as far as it goes. It holds no interest for me. I’ve never punched someone or had a fight in my life, I don’t have it in me. All these things go towards who I am and I’m not going to challenge a trait or a characteristic if I don’t have a problem with it.

The danger comes when we suppress or bottle up our emotions. When we  “Man-up” – I hate that phrase. The danger comes when violence is encouraged as a way of sorting a problem and when seeking help is seen as a sign of weakness We get homophobia and we get misogyny. We also get issues with mental health and increases in male suicide.

Come on guys, open up, be who you want to be not who you think others want you to be. We’re not under threat or in danger of becoming extinct. The future belongs to all of us and we can make it great.

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4 thoughts on “Toxic Masculinity

  1. Good point and cheers to this! I had a friend who refused to use moisturiser because he thought it was ‘too feminine’, and it wasn’t until his face was flaking that he saw some sense.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ok can I just say that you are great writer; I totally understood your blog; in fact I could relate to it because you sound just like me. I am getting better but I used to have this fear about sharing my story on facebook or my blog but I found that the more I did; the easier it became. But back to toxic masculinity; i totally agree. It is so dangerous and pervasive in our culture ( you are from the UK; it feel it’s even worse here in States) So many men end up going on shooting sprees or taking their lives because they have been programmed not to talk about their feelings. This outdated view that men shouldn’t be emotional or cry or have empathy for another human being is total bullshit. I am so happy that men are finally given the chance to open with their feelings. Thanks for sharing this and I look forward to reading more of your blog posts. Take care, my friend

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