It was my birthday last Friday. I’m now nearer 50 than 40! I feel like I should be sharing some of my wisdom and knowledge onto you youngsters. But everyday I learn more about how to approach life from young people and it is mainly young people who constantly inspire me and give me hope for the future. Which is just as well because they are going to have to deal with a lot of shit that older generations are going to leave behind.
Passing my birthday milestone this year has helped me reflect on the events of the past 12 – 18 months and helped me realise that I have probably learnt more about myself and what truly matters over this period than over the previous 44 years. So for today’s blog i hope you don’t mind me indulging in these reflections and processes that have got me to this point.
1 – I’m a survivor (there’s a song title somewhere)
I came through a major 10 hour operation which was the trigger for my re-evaluation. It wasn’t meant to be major but things went wrong I ended up in ITU, needed another 3 “procedures”, got sepsis, went back into ITU for a week and ended up staying in hospital for 6 1/2 weeks. I was on some big drugs that meant i saw quite a few freaky things. But I survived, it’ll take more than that to finish me off!
2- I’m no longer afraid to try new things.
I’ve always wanted to try Yoga but never thought it would be for me. This year i tried it and love it! It’s the perfect exercise for me. I would never have previously thought about writing a blog but this year i gave it a go. It’s cathartic, it’s helpful. I still don’t know where i’m going to go with it, which is actually one of the great things about it. If nobody else reads this, it’s still helped me.
3 – I can live without alcohol.
True – this one has kind of been forced upon me as a result of the op but if somebody had said 2 years ago that I would be one of those people you hear about who don’t drink I might have looked at you a bit funny. It’s actually ok, i’ve been on holidays to a music festival, nights out and still had a great time. To have the option would still be nice and there are lots of occasions when a little drink helps but I know I can do it.
4 – I don’t feel guilty for finding more time for me.
I practice the piano more, I go to Yoga classes, I find time to make sure I read and set myself some time to do this. Before I might have felt a bit guilty but now I know how important it is! I still make sure I don’t neglect anyone or anything, it’s all about the balance!
5 – The Universe is beautiful!
At the end of May I go away camping for a weekend, no internet/Wi-Fi, no tv, we get washed in a river, it’s amazing. This year I found myself finding a quiet spot where all I could hear, was the sound of wind on the trees, the birds singing and the sound of the river. It was beautiful and I found it more spiritual than ever before. I found myself being able to appreciate the power of the universe. The nature that surrounded me was there long before I came along and it will be there for a long time after I’ve gone. It makes sense to appreciate it and enjoy it.
6 – I haven’t reached my potential!
Not by a long way. My best years are still ahead of me, not behind me. I now feel more confident to grasp opportunities that come along and to truly find out what i’m capable of. The really exciting part is not knowing when these opportunities will come along or how they will happen but bring it on, I’m ready!